Clyde's Story V: A Woman's Touch

[BaronVonGott]

Clyde: You know I'm still pretty cheesed about that Canadian tourist remark. I've never even been to Canada. Dylan: Then why would you dress like a high-class McKenzie brother? Lydia: Ah, don't let it bother you. My brother runs off at the mouth constantly.

Dylan: Look, all I'm saying is: If you went through all this trouble to get a new body, why not go the whole nine? It's kinda like buying a diamond ring and wrapping it in toilet paper. Clyde: I like to think I dress a little nicer than toilet paper. Dylan: Not much nicer.

Clyde: What difference does it make anyway? Clothes are clothes, right? Dylan: If you were a background character? Yes, but you went through a lot to be the main character. Your clothes don't exactly scream "hero" or "protagonist". It doesn't matter for side characters though. They're never around long enough to really matter. Clyde: Fine. So what do you suggest?

Lydia: Your shoes need a little help, hon. Dylan: Exactly. Why do you wear those nasty ass shoes? Those things are so dirty, they could probably walk themselves to the dumpster. Clyde: What? They're comfortable. Dylan: Yeah, you probably broke them in like a decade ago. Why don't you get a pair of Punkducks or something? I'm pretty sure they make something in your price range.

Lydia: I hate to say this, but my brother kind of has a point. You should look considerably different than the other characters. Dylan: Yeah, not like a damn hobo. If you sat on the curb with a coffee cup, someone will probably feel sorry for you and throw change in it.

Clyde: Oh, what do you know? Dylan: For starters, I know not to wear a dress shirt with an army jacket. You look like the boyfriend character in a Jennifer Love Hewitt movie. Lydia: Wait, which one? Trojan War?

Clyde: Oh, like you of all people have room to talk. You're wearing a T-shirt of the game you're in. That's like Darth Vader wearing a Star Wars T-shirt, or Metallica wearing a Metallica shirt. At least get a Blender shirt or something.

Lydia: Look, I have a solution. Why don't you let me take you into town? My friend Julius owns a clothing store in the business district. He has a gift for fashion. He could probably even make my brother look good, but I doubt he works miracles. Dylan kinda smells like onions, ass, and bongwater so it's not exactly a solid foundation to work with. Dylan: Thanks, I love you too, sis.

Dylan: So you're taking him to see Julius? Are you sure that's the best idea? You know Jules is a little bit... um... different. Clyde: Different how? Lydia: Oh, it'll be fine. Julius isn't rabid or anything. He'll be fine I'm sure. I wouldn't let anything bad happen to him.

Clyde: I feel like there's something you're not telling me. Is something wrong? Dylan: Only if you stoop down to tie your shoe. Lydia: He's not like that and you know it. I'm sure him and Clyde will get along just fine. Dylan: Something about that worries me. Lydia: Come on, let's go.

Next: The Clothes Make the Man